- Matthew 16:24
Part I. The Reality of Sex After Death
Virgins, Dead Virgins, & Perpetual Virgins
If Gentiles say to women: Give us one of you that we may defile her, and if not, we will defile you all, then let them all be defiled rather than hand over to them one soul from Israel.
- Babylonian Talmud, Mishnah 12, Terumoth
Historians may differ in their opinions, but most would agree that Czar Nicholas II was fairly old-fashioned and traditional in the raising of his four princess daughters. They certainly were never spoiled. Suffice it to say, all of them were still virgins when they were murdered by the Bolsheviks in 1917. This means that, in many respects, they will remain virgins for all of eternity. For the living, they are perpetual virgins and face the same dilemma that Jephthah’s daughter faced long ago when she was doomed to be sacrificed as an offering unto the LORD. The Bible reads as follows:
She said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel, that the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year.
- Judges 11:37-40
Throughout the ages, God and His Angels have made a special, concerted effort to keep the chaste virginity of those females who have died virgins intact for as long as possible after they have passed away. Indeed, it is rather difficult to try to convince a female ghost that she is an immortal being who can never, ever experience the joy and pleasure of sexual intimacy with a male for thousands and thousands, perhaps millions of years. Even for the Angels, it is very hard to tell these girls that they are to remain unfulfilled and unsatisfied forever. It is even more difficult to convince them that having sex after death is, in fact, impossible after they eventually discover that their own ghost mother and ghost father still seem to be enjoying marital intimacy long after their earthly bodies have rotted away.
Death after Sex
Face it, the dead copulate and more than a few of the living know this. How do they do it, you might ask? Well, in some ways it is like purchasing a used car. It isn’t as glamorous as a new one, but it still runs and can get one to where they want to go just as well.
Do you reject the glamour of evil and refuse to be mastered by sin? I do
Do you reject Satan, the father of sin and the prince of darkness? I do
Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises? I do
- Vows of Roman Catholic Baptism
For millennia, the foolish dead have eagerly awaited the sleeping moments of those still alive so that they can ‘review’ the sexual sensations the living have just experienced before they go to asleep. As the advertisement asks, ‘Is it live or is it Memorex?’ In short, the living have sex, fall asleep, while at least some of the dead then wake up and rewind the ‘living’ pornography and replay it for their own personal satisfaction. This is why the dead are frequently referred to as ‘things that go bump in the night.’
It is proper conduct that intercourse should be at night.
- Babylonian Talmud, Nashim II, Kethuboth 56a
Some of the more courageous ghosts will even try sharing in the very real sex lives of living people which is a little more dangerous, but apparently far more pleasurable. Church officials refer to this sinful act of depravity as demonic possession. Nevertheless, fellow-traveling ghosts from cemeteries around the world have been utilizing living men and women to satisfy their own sexual urges for centuries and the Roman Catholic Church has been fighting against this wickedness for more than two thousand years. It should always be remembered that, for the living, penises penetrate vaginas, while for the dead, nothing penetrates nothing. Nevertheless, the simulated act of spiritual sexual intercourse still tends to feel very good for both the dead male and dead female involved.
Since the destruction of the temple, sexual pleasure has been taken from those who practice it lawfully and given to sinners.
- Babylonian Talmud, Nezikin III, Sanhedrin 75a
The fact of the matter is that spiritual sexuality is a primal force of nature. It is very powerful, potentially dangerous, and can overwhelm those who participate in it. Outside of the sacred bonds of marriage, sex among the dead is an act of the Devil, period. The dead female feels like she is being penetrated just as the dead male feels like he’s actually penetrating something. In reality, however, they are little more than dust in the wind, corpses rotting in their own separate coffins.
For dust you are, and unto dust shall you return.
- Genesis 3:19
Historically speaking, there has always been a problem with females who died virgins, especially if they passed away when they were still very young and before reaching puberty. Because these dead virgins have no past memories of being penetrated and enjoying the feeling, it has proven very difficult for them to experience sexual pleasure after death. In order to solve this problem in a diabolical manner, virgin female ghosts have sometimes been seduced into combining spiritually with non-virgin female ghosts in order to be mutually penetrated by male ghosts and achieve sexual pleasure simultaneously. For the religious, this process is considered an evil abomination and is prohibited. One reason for this is that many female ghosts who have died virgins are at times susceptible to becoming total whores and sluts after discovering the ecstatic joys of ghost ‘sex’. The Bible mentions these females with more than a little disapproval. The Book of Revelation reads as follows:
The woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornications: And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
- Revelation 17:4-5
The Divine Power of Virginity & Chastity
In short, females who die virgins are considered a most valuable commodity and resource in the world of the dead, especially in modern times. They are highly prized by the Church who cherish and revere them as beloved ‘daughters of God’. Indeed, the Church Fathers will even refer to at least some of these dead virgin ghost girls as Angels. This is in spite of the fact that the Bible describes Angels as exclusively male and never female. This is not to say that the Church does not also value dead virgin males, who sometimes turn out to be Angels, but tends not to worry so much about protecting their virginity. They will make a point to steer innocent, virgin males clear of demonic, vampire whores who may prove dangerous to their survival. However, with virgin female ghosts, every effort is undertaken to insure their continued virginity and to keep them young, innocent, and chaste for long, extended periods of time. How long? Many ghost fathers try to keep virgin ghost daughters sexually innocent for decades, sometimes even centuries. This may seem a long time for the living, but for the dead the sexual urge is far easier to control and chastity is considered even more important. This is because individual holiness is achieved mainly through sexual abstinence. History has shown this to be the case.
Chaste behavior is the cornerstone upon which the principle of the Holy Ghost is founded. It must be remembered that both Abel and Jesus both died virgins who never married, at least in this world. In short, the holy are abstinent and refrain from any and all sexual activity, thereby becoming even more holy. The unholy will fornicate, commit sodomy, and attend ritual orgies, thereby becoming even more unholy. This too is considered an abomination and a one-way ticket to becoming violently born-again, quite literally, as a new-born ghost child with no sexual urges at all.
For both male and female ghosts and for the dead in general, chastity is power and the longer you abstain from sex the more spiritually powerful you will become. There is literally no exception to this rule. Satan, the Devil, will lie like Hell to convince you otherwise, but that is only because he wants you to share in his misery and his never-ending need to commit sodomy.
Shall mortal man be more just than God? ...Behold, He puts no trust in His servants; and His angels He charged with folly:
- Job 4:17-18
True Angels, who are generally considered the most powerful spiritual beings, are virgin males who have been sexually abstinent for thousands of years. Many believers claim that Jesus Christ Himself has somehow managed to remain a virgin for almost the past two thousand years, thus providing salvation to all those non-virgin sinners who might otherwise be condemned to Hell. Others will insist He is no longer a virgin and is currently married with many ghost sons and daughters. Nonetheless, because Rabbi Jesus, the Jew from Nazareth, died without ever being intimate with a woman, He will always remain somewhat of a virgin to the living and will continue to serve as a perfect model of chastity for the Church and its followers, who demand total sexual abstinence outside of marriage.
For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the Angels which are in Heaven.
- Mark 12:25
Many Christians take this passage quite literally and therefore expect no sexuality in the Kingdom of Heaven. Others, especially those affiliated with the tradition of the Holy Ghost, will tell you that Jesus was simply being adamant and insistent about keeping dead men and women sexually abstinent for as long as possible. Obviously, Jesus did not approve of the old tradition of immediate reunification of a husband and wife after death, which had been established since the LORD brought Abraham and Sarah together again upon death. He was also very concerned about the pagan expectations of sexual bliss that the other religions promised their believers. Paradise, at least for the Jewish dead, was egalitarian, modest, proper, and very well-mannered, much unlike the Greco-Roman Heavens in which slavery, nudity and unlimited sexual pleasure was the norm.
Suffice it to say that, in the past, virgin ghost daughters were hoarded like gold and were hidden like buried treasure from those who would seek to seduce them. It is no coincidence that the guardians of the lost Ark of the Israelites in the movie Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark were a bunch of dangerous and spooky ghost girls. Like a pirate burying His treasure, God had probably put them in there to hide them and protect them from the prying eyes of peeping toms and other dead male lechers. Throughout the centuries, Church Fathers have typically and naively viewed their beloved ghost daughters as darling little Angels and princesses of Heaven that can do no wrong, no matter how wicked their witchcraft may become.
In the later generations…the daughters of Israel freely indulged in witchcraft.
- Babylonian Talmud, Mo’ed II, ‘Erubin 64b
Chastity Belts & Magic Broomsticks
There is a strange, unique history to the story of virgin ghost girls. A long, long time ago, ghost fathers began to put sharp chastity sticks (shitkas), much like broomsticks, in front of, and upon the ghost vaginas of their daughters to ward off any attempt at penetrating them, whether by rape or seduction. This chastity belt/broomstick allowed their young daughters to wander around freely and explore the world of the dead with little supervision, but with razor-sharp protection of their virginity.
What is the reason? Because most women get married as virgins.
- Babylonian Talmud, Nashim II, Kethuboth 28a
Problems arose when a very small number of ghost daughters turned wicked and began using these sharp sticks to poke around and stick them up innocent and righteous people’s butts, mouths or vaginas, thus causing much unwarranted pain and suffering to both the living and the dead. In a blatantly cruel manner, they would ride their so-called broomsticks like evil witches, cursing and smiting those who got in the way. To make matters worse, their ghost brothers would also begin using them to poke others as well. Tragically, some of them actually enjoyed poking people so much they eventually became gay men or lesbian women as a result of their evil, cruel activities. Over time, they changed from happy, beautiful, virgin ghost daughters to cranky, ugly witches who were as ‘bitter as wormwood.’ One song reflects this reality.
And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree. The virgins are all trimming their wicks. The whirlwind is in the thorn tree. It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
- When the Man comes around, by Johnny Cash
The single-stick chastity system just wasn’t working out as planned. So, in order to prevent these potential problems from ever occurring again, a two-pronged chastity stick was created that protected the dead females’ innocent virginity, but didn’t have near as many bad side effects and tended to make the virgin ghost girls in question much happier and more maneuverable, giving them two feet to walk upon and two hands to handle spiritual or material objects and, like an atomic clock, to always maintain the proper time of day or night.
My hands are small I know. But they're not yours, they are my own. But they're not yours, they are my own. And I am never broken. We are never broken. We are God's eyes, God's hands, God's mind.
- Hands, by Jewel
This impenetrable, two-pronged approach to protecting female ghost virginity has proven twice as effective as the old system. The two-edged chastity stick, like the two wings of an angel, also provides the virgin ghost girls double the protection and double the safety from both mental and spiritual seduction. Remember, female ghosts are composed of both a mind and a soul and both of these must be protected from demonic male outsiders. It is a good witch girl’s pox on both their evil, lecherous houses and gives dead virgin females the capability to poke out both eyes of any attempted rapist or seducer. The Bible alludes to this two-pronged chastity stick more than once:
For the lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is…sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on Hell.
- Proverbs 5:3-5
And out of his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron:
- Revelation 19:15
All iniquity is as a two edged sword, the wounds whereof cannot be healed.
- Sirach 21:3
This newer two-pronged system also protects both the rectum and the mouth of vulnerable ghost girls who might otherwise be in danger of anal or oral rape. The double-stick chastity belt worked out so well, that it also began to be used, at least metaphorically, for other purposes. For example, it provided a mechanism to help ghost wives achieve both vaginal and clitoral orgasms- double the pleasure, so to speak. It also totally prevented ghost daughters from incestuously sharing in their ghost mother and father’s married sex life. Science may well have utilized it for discovering Quantum Physics, which claims that a single particle or object can teleport instantaneously from one point to another different point in three-dimensional space. In addition, Quantum theory indicates that a material object can also exist in two separate places simultaneously. In addition, this two-edged system is more than likely behind the economic theory of financial leverage, along with the Marxist theory of dialectical materialism. It has ended up being twice as effective as the single-stick system and has pleased the virgin ghost girls twice as much. Several Rock songs mention this two-pronged chastity belt. They are as follows:
Hanging round, downtown by myself and I had so much time to sit and think about myself and then there she was, like double cherry pie yeah, there she was, like disco superfly.
- Sex and Candy, by Marcy Playground
Yes, don't turn your back on me, baby. Don't mess around with your tricks. Don't turn your back on me, baby, 'cause you might just wake up my magic sticks.
- Black Magic Woman, by Santana
It takes 2 to make the thing go right. Romeo, Oh’ Romeo, it takes 2 to make it out of sight. Romeo, Romeo.
- 2 Way, by Lil’ Romeo
In modern times, far less drastic, non-violent measures have been undertaken to insure the continued chastity and virginity of ghost girls. However, in ancient times, these broom-stick pokers were proven to be more than necessary in protecting young Israelite and Jewish ghost girls from the lecherous and idolatrous clutches of marauding, diabolical Gentile male hordes. In those barbaric days, neither Wendy nor Tinker Bell were very safe from the advances of Pagan Peter Pan and his drooling gang of horny, lost boys.
‘Most of the Idolators are unrestrained in sexual matters.’ He said to them. ‘There is no guardian against unchastity.’
- Babylonian Talmud, Nashim II, Kethuboth 13a
From Pagan Rape to Christian Respect
The rise of Christianity eventually changed the sexual degenerate tendencies found in the ancient Gentile world of the dead. Today, in the 21st century land of the dead, females are generally free from any and all potential danger. Indeed, rape is currently unknown among the Jewish and Christian dead. Resisting the modern urge for sexual equality, the Church still tries its best to keep dead male and female ghosts separated for as long as they can in order to civilize and educate them in the quiet, peaceful 2,000 year old land of the dead commonly known as Purgatory. Co-ed existence of any sort among ghosts is a fairly recent phenomenon in this world of the dead and is not in keeping with the ancient Jewish, and later Christian, tradition of prohibiting any unescorted interactions between unmarried males and females that are not members of the immediate family. These days, the Angels will keep careful watch from above as new arrivals mix with the established, extended families already in Purgatory.
You better run like hell. You better make your face up in your favorite
disguise…With your empty smile and your hungry heart. Feel the bile rising
from your guilty past…You better run like hell. You better run all day and run
all night and keep your dirty feelings deep inside…If you take your girlfriend
out tonight, you better park the car well out of sight, because if they catch you in
the back seat trying to pick her locks they are going to send you back to mother
in a cardboard box. You better run.
- Run Like Hell, by Pink Floyd
No Sex in Heaven, Only Love
Because traditional Christian wedding vows have always been conditioned on ‘until death do us part,’ no couple is still considered married after they pass away. Do formerly married couples ever re-unite and remarry after they both have died or is this prohibited by God and the Church? The answer is both yes and no. Angels tend to totally disapprove of ghost marriage, wanting everyone to remain completely sexually abstinent like themselves for all eternity, but at least some of the Saints will openly call for a celebration and rejoice when former husbands and wives decide to marry again after having been separated for many years, perhaps even decades. This is still considered a very big step, because this time the marriage is meant to last forever, literally. The situation is much like the DeBeers Diamond television commercial that states bluntly: ‘Tell your wife you love her for the next one thousand years…’ It is claimed that more than a few Jewish and Christian ghost spouses have remained married to one another for that long, if not longer. There is very little reason to doubt this reality, even though Satan, the Devil, will hysterically deny that any marriage between a man and a woman could ever last that long. Never forget, Satan is a sodomite.
Sexuality in hell is the opposite of that in Heaven.
- Kurt Simons
Like the desire of a woman for her husband is the desire of
Satan for men of Cain’s stamp.
- Babylonian Talmud, Genesis Rabba 20
Those ghost couples who remarry after death tend to slowly become a part of the Roman Catholic Communion of Saints over time. This Communion is 99.999% monogamous and heterosexual, just like the vast majority of the animal world found in the wild. It is an untamed machine of nature that can only be controlled by God. Homosexuality is completely unknown, with bi-sexuality found only among the rich, the decadent, and the young. Sexual perversion, even anal and oral sex between husband and wife, as well as masturbation, is extremely rare and considered totally unacceptable. If you are a sexual degenerate, the brutally heterosexual machine of married Saints will simply spit you out just like an animal who defecates and urinates frequently.
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold (motionless marital heterosexuality) nor hot (moving marital heterosexuality); I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm (sexual perversion of any kind), and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.
- Revelation 3:15-16
Some staunch Roman Catholics will gossip and warn you that the whole Protestant tradition of Freemasonry is little more than an age-old plot to try to promote and encourage fellatio (oral sex) within Heavenly marriage. In response to this recent, ever-present threat, St. Peter and his allies have no intention of ever letting this wickedness prevail. The Roman Catholic Church insists that fellatio is still sodomy, period, and has been consistently condemned by both Jews and Christians throughout the ages as the work of the Devil.
The wicked make no resistance, but abandon themselves to their evil inclination.
- Babylonian Talmud, Genesis Rabba 34
This is the main reason why there is no real, combined Protestant/Catholic Kingdom of God where Freemasons, who secretly practice oral sex, (ROUTE SEX TEA SEX) are friends and neighbors with the Catholic Saints of yesteryear. Within ghost marriage, adultery is literally unknown, given the fact that wives can take any visual form they choose thereby giving their husbands numerous varieties of sexual experiences. It is not unknown, however, for ghost wives to hire concubines, just like Sarah did for Abraham, in order to further their husband’s relaxation and pleasure, while they, in turn, will join with and spiritually possess the other woman and then share in the sexual intimacy with their husband.
Many of these concubines are temporary and are well-paid for their services in spicing up the private lives of the married Saints. Ghost wives enjoy the power of having these hired sex-mistresses available for their amusement, while still remaining loyal to their husbands. This quasi-polygamous custom is mainly derived from the Middle Eastern roots of Christianity, including the Islamic world, and is becoming much less acceptable in the modern world. Happy, normal, passionate, heterosexual monogamy with some individual variety is becoming the norm throughout the kingdom of God. God and the Church are determined to keep monogamous, heterosexual marriages that last for centuries as exciting and pleasurable as possible. Put bluntly, extramarital temptations are completely unknown in the world of the dead.
The argument that pure love flourishes in Heaven actually left room for a sexual life there. If intercourse between husband and wife could be ‘chaste,’ and productive only of love, then there should be no reason why it could not continue in the afterlife…Heavenly affection meant not the prolongation of love decided on by the passions and whims of sensual sinners, but the pure married love of the saved.
- Heaven, by Colleen McDannell
Absolutely No Sex in Purgatory, Only Seven
Even though ghost marriage has been a reality for centuries, there are still some regions in the Kingdom of God where everyone remains sexually abstinent indefinitely. For example, in the Roman Catholic Christian land of the dead called Purgatory, the general rule is that any and all ghost or human sexual relations are totally prohibited, while normal animal mating during the appropriate season is considered acceptable. Official marriages are not allowed, even though most animal couples mate for life anyway. It’s instinct. This is especially true of literally all bird species that live their lives surrounded by family members from birth until they pass away. Since time immemorial, this ban on all human sexual activity has been strictly enforced by the Inquisition and their ghosts, some of whom have been celibate for centuries. If they ever find and catch a ghost couple fornicating in forbidden territory, the Church will most often stick a sharp, thick nine-inch nail up both the male and female participant’s rectum in retaliation. Apparently, it hurts quite badly. It hurts like Hell.
You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat. You can feel the cushion, but you can't have a seat. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. You can feel the punishment, but you can't commit the sin. And you want her, and she wants you. We want everyone. And you want her and she wants you. No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
- No One Is To Blame, by Howard Jones
This punishment system, along with a drastic, overall reduction in individual sex drive after death, keeps the land of Purgatory almost G-rated and suitable for children of all ages. It also protects nature from the sexual perversion that is found, almost exclusively, among Homo Sapiens. Because of this, Purgatory remains as wild as Hell and as unpredictable as a tornado.
And they shoved a red hot poker up my ass! Is that considerate? Is that polite? And not a tube of preparation H in sight.
- The Inquisition, by Mel Brooks
Due to the strict standards of sexual conduct, Purgatory is an underground world of prolonged innocence, where everyone is naturally young and beautiful without exception. Even though the inhabitants are looked down upon and considered mere children by the Angels and the Saints residing in Heaven, they are still extremely intelligent and clever. Though old-fashioned, the Church is no totalitarian dictator and, because of this, there remain vast, untamed portions of Purgatory, mostly unexplored, which the Church finds difficult to observe and control. Because of this, it is not uncommon, especially in modern times, for a young, wicked-minded ghost couple to go off deep into the dark wilderness to satisfy their urges.
One who finds that he can't defeat his evil nature, should dress in black, cover himself in black, and go where he is unknown.
- Babylonian Talmud, Moed Katan 17a
Throughout the centuries, foolish lovers in Purgatory have always attempted to be extremely cautious and secretive in their endeavors so as to not alarm the Church or disturb any of the sexually innocent children. Legend has it that on All-Saints day (Halloween), some of the more rebellious ghosts will even stage a midnight orgy deep in the forests. Even so, the danger of getting caught is always an ever-present possibility because even the insects (fairies), or the trees (ghosts), or the stars (aborted fetuses) in the sky have been known to inform the Inquisitional authorities of any sexual wrong-doing.
Phinehas succeeded in driving his spear exactly through the sex organs of the man and woman.
- Babylonian Talmud, Nezikin III, Sanhedrin 82b
Some modern thinkers may object to the so-called tyrannical control the Church exerts over the sexuality of dead men and women in Purgatory, but this is simply to prepare them for the many dangers that they may face later on in Heaven. It is also to protect the very naïve, innocent animals and little people that inhabit Purgatory from Satan, the perverted sodomite and his minions. Throughout history, the dead have always tended to become sexually active far too soon. Because of this, the Church has strenuously tried to enforce sexual abstinence among male and female ghosts for as long as possible. This task has not been easy, to say the least, and there are still those who disagree.
Intolerant attitudes, often cultivated by orthodox religions and puritanical cultures, unduly repress sexual conduct…The many varieties of sexual exploration should not in themselves be considered evil.
- The Humanist Manifesto
Christianity, after over two thousand years of trial and error has found that, no matter what Satan says or believes, sexual abstinence is always good for the soul. Remember, death is for a very long time. The basic assumption is that, because you have the rest of eternity to get married and screw your brains out, it is best for those who have recently died to become like children again before taking on the adult responsibilities of Heaven. Purgatory is considered the place to learn new things, new skills, and new talents that ghosts might otherwise have never acquired if they had simply been allowed to start participating in lunatic orgies and other sexual escapades right away. Not everyone can be as promiscuous as the legendary nymphs and satyrs, who are actually fairly stupid, basically illiterate creatures anyway. No, even in the chaotic darkness of Purgatory, society tends to be very family-centered, highly-educated, and traditional, remaining quite intolerant of the many, various ways of the wicked. As the Bible states:
For outside are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whoever loves and tells a lie.
- Revelation 22:15
May the LORD God bless you in the name of St. Peter.
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